Welcome Back!

 It's really been over 3 years since I've last logged on here. 3 long years of not posting anything on here.

Whoa.

I forgot entirely about this platform...but I'm glad I came across it again.

Maybe you'll find more entries from me on here.

For now, this is just a HELLO 😃

Why?

It's official. 2018 is here!

How is this possible? 2017 was gone in a blink of an eye.

My happiness, my health - everything I worked so hard to accomplish since April 2016 slowly got away from me! Why? Why is it so easy to put ourselves on the backburner?

Months have flown by where I didn't take care of myself. The months are gone and I can't get them back.

Lesson learned. I never want to feel like crap again. I don't want to feel stressed or feel like I've been stuffed inside a tight box. I want to wake up motivated. I want to smile more, laugh more. I want to be more spontaneous. I want to be less angry and sad.

I want the fire inside me to stay lit. I'll admit the flame almost got snuffed out completely, but something inside me screamed NO.

I can only move forward from here.

I know what I want.

I know what I need to do.

The only person stopping me from achieving my goals is this girl right here!

I got this. I'm sure of it.

Just as Important

We tend to get caught up in our daily activities that we forget to stand still and assess how we're feeling.

This year has truly opened my eyes to understand the importance of mental and physical health. If you’re not mentally well, your whole life feels like a disaster.

When you find a loved one is suffering from medical conditions, your heart goes out to them. It’s not until you do some research to fully gain knowledge of what they are experiencing in their head and body that your heart breaks even more.

Keeping a positive outlook is the key along with giving the person a ton of support.

We shall get through this.

Lessons

Memories tend to fade over time. This is why I enjoy looking through photographs; to reminisce. I cause trouble when a goofy picture is taken of me, but deep down, I know I’ll be grateful for it when I’m old and gray! Life is full of happiness and silly moments and they should be captured.

It’s unfortunate and truly heartbreaking when photos have been ripped away from you.  They are gone and will never be returned. We must walk away with the question, “What is the lesson here?” I truly believe there is a message to take from all crappy things that happen to us. Everything happens for a reason.

Positivity Bug

For once, I have some time on my hands! It already feels amazing.

I knew changes needed to be made a few months ago because I was having one too many meltdowns. As I think back to the last year, I was definitely in a funk. At the time, I wasn't in the right state of mind to tell myself, "Wait a minute. This can't keep happening. Something needs to change." 

I'm the type of person that pushes through things in hopes that it'll work itself out. But, in the meantime, I was deteriorating.

I was always working. At first I was grateful, but was it worth it if I was miserable? Was it worth the tears, the exhaustion, the 20lb weight gain?

Absolutely not. I was finally going to put myself first. When I gave my two week notice to my second job, I felt the weight lift off my shoulders. That feeling of suffocation was gone. 

In a matter of two weeks, I've learned how devastating it is to put yourself on the back burner. You have to treat yourself right. Once you do, you'll have a clearer mind.

Everything started to fall into place when I took the step to better myself. I matter. If I don't take care of myself physically, emotionally, spirtually, mentally...who will? 

Emotions

I’m completely torn and feeling all sorts of emotions at once. I need to get my act together because I feel as if I’m falling apart at the seams. It’s not a pretty sight.

I’m overwhelmed and aggravated that my feelings are still not being considered. Don’t make yourself out to be the victim because you aren’t. I wish I could get away. There are too many things I worry about and I’m mentally and emotionally not capable of holding it together.  At least not now.

All I can think about is sleeping the day away tomorrow.

Moving Forward

It feels as if my head is going to explode. I have many thoughts in my head that I want to say and write out, but I don’t know where to start. Anxiety is in full effect and has been the last few days or so.

I know I can’t change certain things. I can’t and won’t make anyone do something they truly don’t want to do. I can’t and won’t force a relationship upon anyone if it’s something they don’t want either.

I’m between a rock and a hard place as most will say. This isn’t the ideal situation, but it seems like it’s the best thing. I’m overall tired of it all and if this is what needs to happen for everyone to move forward, then so be it.

Seeing Red

I’m speechless.

No, actually, I’m not. I have a lot to say, but I’m too angry.

Sadness wasn’t even an emotion. I skipped it.

All I see is red and I hate it. HATE IT.

I believe in the saying, “Everyone owns their feelings.” There shouldn’t be a debate, but at the same time, I think there should be support for the other person involved in a situation like this.

Sometimes you need to stop to think about the other individual’s feelings; put yourself in their shoes. Sometimes you have to do what’s best for both rather than doing just what’s best for you, right?

I need to cool off.