Let it Be

I’ve been known to sometimes avoid situations when I’m not in the mood to go down that path.

I admit that.

I don’t like confrontation.

By doing this, it doesn’t help the circumstances at hand, but if others around me can do it, why can’t I?

Is that my way of throwing in the towel?

I’m finally realizing that no matter what I say, when I say it, or how I say it, I’m not being heard.

How do I know that?

There’s a lot of repetition and no change.

If this is how it’s going to be, so be it.

Let it be.

Impossible

We can’t please everyone.  We just can’t – it’s impossible.

We shouldn’t care what others think, but we’re human.  We try to act cool, pretending it doesn’t bother us, but the truth is it replays in the back of our minds.  Our brain won’t turn off the noise.

What do you do when you feel like you’ve been defeated?

Writing used to be enough for you, but there isn’t satisfaction in that anymore.  You’ve come to a point where you can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel because deep down you don’t see how there could be one any longer.

Long ago there was one.  And now, it’s vanished completely.  You can’t help but feel lost because of it.

Confidant

You’ll never forget the people who were there for you when you hit a few rough patches.  They hold a special place in your heart and you’ll cherish and remember the advice they gave you and the kind words that were said.

I’ve been through a whole lot and I’m still standing.  It amazes me how much I’ve grown as a person, how much my goals have changed, and how well I have been able to express myself to others.  The girl I was years ago is now a mature adult who perceives things differently now.  It’s part of life for everyone, really.

But, even so, once in a while I feel the need to vent.  I talk to the ones I’m closest with and I will always turn to them; however, there’s always that one person on the outside that I want to confide in.  She means the world to me and I’m grateful she stepped into my life when she did.  I honestly do not know if I would be the person I am today without her.

Just Do It

I need to make it to a library in the next few weeks to get some writing and editing done.  I want to make it a habit because it’s not happening at home and I’m frustrated with the whole process.  Being at the library when I attended school helped me tremendously in getting my assignments completed.

Each time I neglect this story, it’s only hurting me, myself, and I.  Being published has been my number one goal since I was about 12 years old.  I’m going to be 28…this is upsetting.

I keep telling myself this, but I know I have to manage my time better.  Even if I take two hours every day to write, that will be an accomplishment.

I have to stop thinking about it and go for it.  My goal is to call libraries around my area to get their hours and form a schedule between writing and exercising.  I need to be able to fit in both.

It’s a new month. Let’s do this.

Apology

She sat by yourself in a secluded parking lot, letting the light breeze brush up against her skin.  She closed her eyes and listened to the silence.  Her mind wandered, thinking of things that happened in the past and ones which recently occurred.  This was a regular routine for her.

She knew deep down in her gut that she would never receive an apology.  Coming to terms with that would help her move on, to stop waiting for something she would never get.  Forgiveness would be difficult, indeed.

This is how her life would be from now on - it was certain.  Relationships changed, friendships changed.  She wasn't okay with it, but it was out of her hands.

Bless Your Little Kitty Heart

Losing a pet is difficult.  Extremely difficult.

They’re part of your family; your children.  They need to be fed, bathed, brought in for regular checkups, etc.  The thought of losing them is heart-rending.

Smokey, our cat, came to us one day as a stray.  She was roaming the backyard when Will arrived home from work.  She was such a friendly cat, not scared or mean at all.  She rubbed up against Will and circled around his feet several times.  Even though I told myself I would never own a cat, the minute I saw her I knew I wanted to keep her.

We wanted to rescue her.  She was malnourished, had patches of missing fur, and cuts scattered around her entire body.  We’ve had her for about 3 years, but we know we gave her the best 3 years of her life.  We gave her lots of love and attention.

We found out today that she has a massive amount of fluid in her stomach, a few small tumors in her chest that will worsen her respiratory system, and was beginning to have liver failure.  It was nothing we did to cause it; it’s old age.  Even if we caught it in time, the outcome would still be the same – doctor said the best thing is to euthanize her.  She’s uncomfortable and she wouldn’t have much time to live.

In just a few hours, Smokey will no longer be with us and as upsetting as it is, we don’t want to see her suffer anymore.  She will be in a better place very soon.

Heaven

Lately I've been thinking a lot about my grandfathers and uncles who have gone to heaven.  I miss them terribly. I know they are in a better place, but it still saddens me that I can never see them in person or give them a kiss on the check or wrap my arms around them.

It's moments like this that make me extremely grateful that I've kept every card and letter written by them.  Cards, letters, and video recordings are precious - they hold value. I treasure all that I have.

You never truly get over losing someone. It just gets a little easier with time.

<3

Dear Santa

Money: the route of all problems.  When it came to special occasions and holidays; Catherine and Brad had to count their pennies carefully.

They ran into some financial troubles in the past year when she was in a head on collision that caused her to be in the hospital for two weeks.  Shortly after the pricey bill arrived, Brad’s mother passed away suddenly, leaving them to pay for all the arrangements.

Christmas was nearly three weeks away and Catherine wanted nothing more than to give their daughter, Ava, what she wished for.  However, Ava wouldn’t show or tell them what was on her list for Santa Claus.  “It’s a secret” she’d tell them.  Catherine told her that in order for Santa to receive her letter in time, they’d have to seal it in an envelope and mail it to the North Pole after school that day.

Ava’s laundry was sitting in a basket in the hallway, and with thirty minutes to spare before needing to pick up her daughter, Catherine decided to put them in the proper place.  Maybe she’d find the letter hiding somewhere in her bedroom.  When nothing turned up in Ava’s dresser drawers or her closet, Catherine decided to check her bookshelf.  Between two Christmas books, there was the treasured letter folded in half.

Dear Santa,

          I really don’t want any gifts this year.  The thing that I want most in the whole wide world is for mommy and daddy to stop fighting.  I don’t know if you can make this happen, but it would make me happy.

          Love, always

          Ava

Catherine’s heart melted.  To know that their arguing was being heard by their seven year old daughter was foolish.  Were her and her husband bad parents for not realizing this was affecting Ava? 

“Honey?”  Her husband’s voice came from the hallway.

Catherine wiped away the tears from her eyes and cheeks before answering, “I’m in Ava’s room!”

Once Brad was visible in the doorway, she spoke, “We need to have a discussion on what our daughter wrote in her letter to Santa.”

He took the letter in his hand and let out a sigh of regret after reading it.  “We’ll make this right.”  Brad embraced her tightly.

Ava’s unhappiness would have continued to gone unnoticed if it wasn’t for the piece of paper with their daughter’s handwriting.  It was an eye opener.  Without it, they would have carried on their oblivious behavior. 

 ~~~~

A child writes a letter to Santa asking him for something other than toys.  What is it? Describe in 500 words or less. *406*