Lessons

Memories tend to fade over time. This is why I enjoy looking through photographs; to reminisce. I cause trouble when a goofy picture is taken of me, but deep down, I know I’ll be grateful for it when I’m old and gray! Life is full of happiness and silly moments and they should be captured.

It’s unfortunate and truly heartbreaking when photos have been ripped away from you.  They are gone and will never be returned. We must walk away with the question, “What is the lesson here?” I truly believe there is a message to take from all crappy things that happen to us. Everything happens for a reason.

Positivity Bug

For once, I have some time on my hands! It already feels amazing.

I knew changes needed to be made a few months ago because I was having one too many meltdowns. As I think back to the last year, I was definitely in a funk. At the time, I wasn't in the right state of mind to tell myself, "Wait a minute. This can't keep happening. Something needs to change." 

I'm the type of person that pushes through things in hopes that it'll work itself out. But, in the meantime, I was deteriorating.

I was always working. At first I was grateful, but was it worth it if I was miserable? Was it worth the tears, the exhaustion, the 20lb weight gain?

Absolutely not. I was finally going to put myself first. When I gave my two week notice to my second job, I felt the weight lift off my shoulders. That feeling of suffocation was gone. 

In a matter of two weeks, I've learned how devastating it is to put yourself on the back burner. You have to treat yourself right. Once you do, you'll have a clearer mind.

Everything started to fall into place when I took the step to better myself. I matter. If I don't take care of myself physically, emotionally, spirtually, mentally...who will? 

Emotions

I’m completely torn and feeling all sorts of emotions at once. I need to get my act together because I feel as if I’m falling apart at the seams. It’s not a pretty sight.

I’m overwhelmed and aggravated that my feelings are still not being considered. Don’t make yourself out to be the victim because you aren’t. I wish I could get away. There are too many things I worry about and I’m mentally and emotionally not capable of holding it together.  At least not now.

All I can think about is sleeping the day away tomorrow.

Moving Forward

It feels as if my head is going to explode. I have many thoughts in my head that I want to say and write out, but I don’t know where to start. Anxiety is in full effect and has been the last few days or so.

I know I can’t change certain things. I can’t and won’t make anyone do something they truly don’t want to do. I can’t and won’t force a relationship upon anyone if it’s something they don’t want either.

I’m between a rock and a hard place as most will say. This isn’t the ideal situation, but it seems like it’s the best thing. I’m overall tired of it all and if this is what needs to happen for everyone to move forward, then so be it.

Seeing Red

I’m speechless.

No, actually, I’m not. I have a lot to say, but I’m too angry.

Sadness wasn’t even an emotion. I skipped it.

All I see is red and I hate it. HATE IT.

I believe in the saying, “Everyone owns their feelings.” There shouldn’t be a debate, but at the same time, I think there should be support for the other person involved in a situation like this.

Sometimes you need to stop to think about the other individual’s feelings; put yourself in their shoes. Sometimes you have to do what’s best for both rather than doing just what’s best for you, right?

I need to cool off.

It's All About Me

Don't try to force me to do something because YOU want me to. It doesn't work that way, sweetie.

I will do things on my own time. Not yours. When I'm good and ready, that's when it will happen.

If you don't like it, it doesn't matter! My life, my decisions, my rules.

It's that simple.

The Struggle

I don't want to get hurt again; therefore, I will not let my wall completely disappear. I'm still cautious.

Decisions I made months ago, have been slightly altered. I'm human. It's that simple.

In the end, I have to do what's best for myself - I have to do what I'm comfortable doing. All I can do is my part and see what it brings. I just pray for the best.

Long Gone

You didn’t get the hint?

You think by doing what you did might make things better?

Lame, I tell ya.

Where’s the apology?  Where’s the acknowledgement?

Even that still won’t make it better, honestly.

Leaving me alone, however, will make it better.

Our friendship boat has sailed and is never returning.

I’m not here to remind you.

Enough is Enough

I would like you to put yourself in my shoes. Just once. Please.

You have not or else our relationship would be very different by now. You would understand my feelings and my actions... or at least respect my decisions.

I can be cordial. That's as far as I can go because I refuse to be in any relationship or friendship where it's one sided.

That's as far as I will go because I am not condoning your behavior.

I do not need the stress and nonsense.

I'm done.

Disappointed

Hate is a strong word.

I don’t hate you.

I’m disappointed in you.

If you thought otherwise, well…then you never really knew me as a person.

Since I haven’t written in almost two months, I thought this post was going to be a long one.  That’s really all I have to say right at this moment though.